The Characters

Our hero.

el Jefe knows that in some instances, the odds of success are stacked against him.

But he’s often willing to give it a try anyways.

He’s kind of like Rocky.

Well, except for the muscles …and the chin made of granite. And the hair …and the fame.

Ok. Maybe he’s not like Rocky at all.

Regardless of all that, it seems that every action el Jefe thinks about taking comes with internal push back.

It’s pretty rare that he can do something without a host of conflicting voices arriving on scene to offer their opinion.

But he continues on as best he can.

And these are the stories that make up his adventure.

Click here for a note from el Jefe himself, and his motivation behind all of this.

Always in el Jefe’s corner, she’s willing to help with anything & supports him in whatever he does.

She always looks out for his safety.

Which is a good thing.

Because el Jefe is often guilty of overlooking basic safety protocols when he gets excited about something new or starts a new task he feels compelled to complete.

(Full Disclosure: OSHA may frown on some of the actions el Jefe takes.)

She is Angel_Eyes personified, except she that is a real person and not another voice in el Jefe’s head.

Yes, you are correct.

We are being sarcastic as this neighbor is not happy, jolly, or even remotely friendly. (Even though el Jefe has gone out of his way to be nice.)

You would think the guy could ~ at the very least ~ attempt to crack a smile.

Or be somewhat neighborly.

But it’s just not the case.

Even when el Jefe knocked on Chuckles_The_Unsmiley_Neighbor’s door bearing ludicrously amazing baked goods (made by Wifey_💖 of course) as a “Welcome to the neighborhood” gesture, he answered the door wearing an expression that seemed to indicate that he was interrupted in the middle of a killing spree.

Wait …maybe that’s what all the ruckus was about.

Meh, it was probably nothing.

To this day, el Jefe continues to see that same expression whenever Chuckles_The_Unsmiley_Neighbor ventures outside muttering to himself.

Anyhoo…

Even with all that, el Jefe respects the fact that Chuckles_The_Unsmiley_Neighbor continues to rock the white Father Christmas beard all year long.

Maybe he’s hoping to play Santa in the mall so that he can ruin the little kids’ Christmas season, like the true grinch that he is.

This is the person that el Jefe inevitably runs into when he heads to a store and needs some help.

Lazy and incompetent, they seem to be completely unaware of just how terrible a job they are doing.

Generally rude, these people are either unwilling or unable to provide even a basic level of customer service.

They are so unmotivated that el Jefe often leaves the store thinking it would have been easier to have done the research himself, rather than having to deal with them.

Heaven forbid el Jefe has to order something in…

…because that will inevitably just prolong the agony as they will either forget to order the product in, order the wrong part altogether or forget to call el Jefe when it is ready for pick up.

They are the reason why the Amazon delivery driver might as well have a permanent parking spot out front of el Jefe’s house.

You never quite know what you’re going to get with this person.

One day she can be the most helpful and genuinely nice person on the plant, and the next she can be as bad as Less_Than_Helpful_Store_Employee.

She is truly an enigma as to her behavioral patterns and how she treats customers.

Narcissistic and entitled, this guy truly feels that the world revolves around him and that everyone else on the planet is just an actor in the movie that is his life.

He feels his new success in business means that he’s some kind of Alpha Male.

Unfortunately he doesn’t have experience enough to know you only become an Alpha by having to endure and overcome obstacles.

Which he hasn’t.

Because luck, fortune and his parents have given him absolutely everything on a silver platter.

He lives for attention, is deeply insecure, superficial and has a deep-rooted need to always be loved and accepted.

He also likes shiny expensive things.

He’s often spotted with a new car, watch or other symbol that he feels adequately reflects his “brand” and personal level of achievement.

This is the guy who cuts el Jefe off or is just generally in the way wherever el Jefe goes.

He seems to have a special knack for popping up and slowing el Jefe down whenever he’s in a hurry.

He’s probably a good dude and all, but he is completely clueless as to what is happening around him, as he’s completely mesmerized by his phone.

As a result, his brain and attention span has shriveled to almost nothing.

If you want to see how an addict reacts, see what happens if he can’t use his phone for 5 minutes.

Because without that constant dopamine hit, he turns into a raging lunatic.

This is the female version of Zombified_Male.

Again, she’s probably a sweet human being, but her tech addition makes her a mild menace when it comes to interacting with the world and society around her.

From walking directly out into traffic without looking, to weaving back and forth as they walk (bumping into others or blocking them from passing) Zombified_Female & Zombified_Male are unable to function without experiencing the notification flashes and sounds coming from their device.

Where Zombified_Male turns into a raging lunatic, Zombified_Female turns into a shrieking banshee when deprived of her addition.

Voices

Whenever she shows up, she brings light and chases away the darkness.

Even if it’s just for a brief moment.

Her soothing voice of comfort often brings positive motivation & strength.

Fiercely loyal, she will show up even when horribly outnumbered and even won’t hold a grudge if she’s ignored and she is always el Jefe’s corner.

He’s always up for giving el Jefe a motivational pep talk.

Even if it doesn’t quite fit, or make sense in that particular moment.

But he can be great at getting el Jefe fired up.

His most frequent (and let’s be honest: only) move is to use negative motivation to try and get the job done.

But that’s just his way.

Because he’s old school and probably roamed the earth with the dinosaurs.

This slob always seems to chime in when things seem somewhat difficult or hard. His vote is to always choose the easy way out and avoid any sort of work whenever possible.

His tactic is to try and tempt el Jefe with comfort and ease, often using the idea of relaxing to distract him from taking action and getting things done.

He prefers to wear sweats whenever possible.

That’s because when he wears anything with a zipper the front, the front flap is always pulled open to reveal the teeth of the zipper hanging on for dear life as his gut does its best to liberate itself from the constricting prison it’s found itself in.

Hyper critical, this guy always shows up with some sort of cutting remark.

He’s quick to judge what el Jefe has accomplished according to an unrealistic standard of perfection, and yet is blind to his own shortcomings.

Like, for instance, the fact that his handle includes 2 random numbers.

After all, who uses random numbers like that unless they’ve set up a fake account just to troll people?

Oh, wait….

Anyways, this predator is great a dropping a huge steaming pile of his opinion on el Jefe to try intimidate or discourage him from taking action.

He often shows up with THE_Hater_187 to form a demeaning tag team of negativity.

Similar to Judgmental_Snob_89, except he has no limits as to what he will criticize or mock el Jefe about.

For him everything and anything el Jefe does is fodder for some type of demeaning or cutting comment.

A miserable individual, he seems to exist only to project his own negativity, insecurities and hate onto el Jefe and others.

And while the world is sorry that his life didn’t turn out better, the rest of the world’s inhabitants aren’t responsible for the choices he made.

Nobody else is responsible the fact that he ran the business his dad gave him into the ground (due entirely to his gross neglect).

And nobody told him to put his entire life savings into an unknown sh*tcoin during the last crypto bull market.

But he did.

And now he has to live like the troll he is, in a converted room under a set of stairs – furnished only with a single bed, a single light bulb and an internet connection.

And yes, you guessed it – it’s at his mom’s house.

Because of this, he HATES to see anyone else succeed as it conjures up the haunting memories of his past failures, making him feel worthless as a person.

Anyways, if Judgmental_Snob_89 doesn’t jump in with a comment first, this guy’s sure to carpet bomb the conversation with his opinion to try and kill any good vibes that are still alive.

This guy always takes the negative side of things.

He’s most famous for focusing on anything bad that could happen and then blowing the scenario completely out of proportion.

His tactic is to try and persuade el Jefe by cloaking his arguments in what seems to be wisdom and realistic advice.

Most of the time what he says is just a nice-sounding excuse.

But he’s not pure evil.

In fact, you’d never know it to look at him, but he has an amazing party trick where he can pour beer off his forehead, down the side of his nose and into his mouth.

It really is outstanding.

If you ever get to go to a party where he’s at, you’ll want to catch him about 6 beers deep as that’s when he’s most likely to bust out that trick.

Just don’t try to engage him in conversation, as he’s a bit of a downer.

You’ve officially been warned.

This guy always speaks the truth, but is often confused with Fake_Realist.

Most of the time, el Jefe can only see that The_Realist was speaking (rather than Fake_Realist) by using hindsight goggles.

And it’s really too bad.

Because if el Jefe could consistently tell the difference between The_Realist and Fake_Realist his success rate in life would skyrocket.

Unfortunately, el Jefe doesn’t have the advantage of seeing the little avatars pop up like we do.

So all he can do is try to discern each voice as best he can.

Poor guy.

Anyways, The_Realist is a great guy: full of interesting facts, life lessons and wisdom.

You wouldn’t know it to look at him but he will only stay in the penthouse suite of 5 star hotels while traveling.

This isn’t because he’s a snob, but because he has to find ways to spend his obscene amount of wealth because he’s already maxed out his charitable giving, and buying exotic sports cars got old for him 20 years ago.

Ok, ok.

Technically Gigachad isn’t a real person, and he’s not really a voice inside el Jefe’s head.

So where else were we supposed to put him?

Ultimately as he isn’t a real person, we threw him in with the rest of the voices.

Anyways…

As you may know, Gigachad is an internet archetype representing an ultra-masculine, sexually attractive alpha-type male.

He’s inspired and been the subject of many different memes since he burst onto the scene around 2017.

el Jefe matches wits with him at one point.